


5 Times 'He Loves Me' and 1 Time 'Phil Loves Me.'

by Depressing_Fanfiction



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Violence, Emotional Manipulation, Fluffy Ending, Hitting, M/M, Manipulation, Sexual Assault, Violence, Whipping, dont worry, phan will be end game, they end up together, tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 03:45:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14155920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Depressing_Fanfiction/pseuds/Depressing_Fanfiction
Summary: Dan had been in an abusive relationship, Phil knowing. But Dan would always tell him, "He loves me. It's fine. He loves me"Until he knew otherwise.EXTREME TW// RAPE, ABUSE, ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS, MANIPULATION





	5 Times 'He Loves Me' and 1 Time 'Phil Loves Me.'

  1. **The Beginning**



It seemed normal in the beginning, just a simple relationship. But slowly it changed. Phil could see by the way Dan’s clothes slowly got longer, the way his posture got worse. The way his voice would lose volume. And it all made sense when Dan had come home that night, soaked with rain and bruises all over him, albeit being covered by his coat. 

He stumbled in, tears and sobs wracking his body, thoughts going back and forth. ‘He loves me,’, it’d remind him, ‘Of course he does. It was a one time thing, he promised…’. And Phil had immediately jumped off the couch when he heard the door open, standing there warily until he heard the familiar closing of Dan’s door. He took a deep breath of relief, glancing at the clock and seeing 2:51 glaring back at him. 2:51 A.M. He’d stayed up, worried for the wellbeing of his friend. 

  


Phil made his way to Dan’s bedroom, almost holding his breath. He knocked at the door after hearing sobs echoing from the room. “Dan?”, he asked when his roommate didn’t answer. A sniffle, and then, “Phil?” 

  


His heart broke, he swore it. The way his best friend’s voice cracked, everything about it. “I-I’m gonna come in, alright?”, he asked. “No! No, please don’t. I’m fine, Phil.”, the man rushed to explain. But Phil had already began to push open the door, gasping at the sight. His friend had left their flat happy, floating almost. But there he was, sitting on his bed and covered in bruises and cuts. “Holy shit… Wh- Did Jake do this?”, he asked. “It’s not what it looks like, I swear.”, he rushed to explain. “Then what is it?”

  


“I-I tripped. Down the-”

  


“Fuck Dan. How long?”

  


“I-It… It was just this one time, I swear. I pissed him off, it was my fault, really. He said he’d never do it again, Phil.”, and his friend cast him a watery smile, covering his bruises almost roughly. “You can’t… You can’t stay with him. Please, bear.”, he begged. Dan looked down at his sheets, shaking his head. “I’m tired. Just… Leave it. It’s fine.”

  


Phil left, only to be interrupted by, “Phil? Please don’t tell anybody. It’ll ruin us. I really love him.  _ Please _ .”

He pretended not to be hurt, leaving the room.

  


  1. **The Other Time**



  


Really, he should’ve known from the beginning. Because everyday, without fail, Dan would leave the flat at 9:00 A.M. and come back around 10 P.M. Sometimes way too late. But today was different. Dan had come home at 4. He had tears rushing down his face and was cradling his left side and limping. He had entered with a slight cry, wincing and limping up the stairs. He tried to quietly make his way to his room, trying not to draw attention to himself. But, alas, there was a small creak as Phil walked to Dan in the middle of the hallway. “Holy shit. Again?”, he asked, helping Dan to his room. Dan reluctantly accepted his help, sitting on his bed with a grunt. “It’s fine, he loves me. It’s fine.”, he spoke softly.

  


“It’s not fucking fine Dan. This is… Abusive.”

  


Dan let out a small sharp laugh, “Shush. It’s fine. I just told him I had to get home early because I wanted to make a gaming video. They were getting restless.”

  


Phil shook his head, “You can’t film like this. You can barel-”

  


“Phil I’m making the video. Drop it.”, he snapped. Phil sighed, leaving Dan to get changed.

  


Dan had come back around 10 minutes later. “I’m sorry for snapping.”, he said. Phil smiled, “It’s fine. Just… Please… Please leave him.”, Phil begged. “I can’t, Phil. I love him.”

  


**iii. When They Noticed**

  


Dan hadn’t meant to show them. He was just livestreaming, when he’d reached over and his shirt had risen a little. He didn’t notice at first, not until he read the chat and saw thousands of screams. “What-What’s wrong guys?”, he asked, furrowing his eyebrows. One of the premium members had typed out, ‘WHAT WAS THAT ON YOUR WAiST??? WHO??? HOW??? ARE YOU ALRIGT???’. His eyes had widened almost comically.

  


“Uh…”, he chuckled nervously, “It’s nothing. I fell. Y’know me. A clutz. Anyways, who heard about that thingy in uh… That thing… Oh! The new gaming video?”, he tried. They all wouldn’t focus though, but he tried to ignore it as he kept blabbering on, “Uh yeah. We hadn’t filmed in a while, sorry ‘bout that. We meant to, but we were, er, busy. And uh yeah. But we got it done! Yay! We were a bit nervous about playing that game though. Thought it’d be boring.”

  


He kept trying, but they were relentless. He felt himself grow more and more frustrated until he couldn’t help but snap. “Guys I’m serious. It’s nothing. Can we please change the subject now?”

  


The whole chat went silent for a few seconds, something he never thought he’d see. Finally though, messages poured in again. “Thank you.”, he said with a sigh. The rest of the liveshow was odd and tense. “Uh, so what about that whole thing with…”, and sentences like that. That’s when he noticed the small eye with ‘AmazingPhil’ next to it. He felt himself grow pale as he stared at it. “It’s appeared that AmazingPhil has joined. Hello there, haha…” But then a door was opened and he looked back and saw his friend with a horrified look on his face. “Phil? You okay?”, he asked nervously. “Stop the liveshow.”, Phil whispered only just loud enough for the liveshow to hear. “Phil I can’t just-”

  


“You told me he stopped, Dan. Stop the liveshow now.”, he hissed back. Dan gulped, “Um I’ll see you guys again soon! Bye!”, before ending it. “Phil you shouldn’t of-”

  


“Show me right now.”, he demanded. Dan shook his head, “Phil I can’t. Please just-”

  


“Dan the internet just saw them. Show me.”

  


Dan slowly lifted up his shirt, showing off an array of marks and colors. Phil inhaled sharply. “Fuck, Dan. I-It’s been a year since you got with him. How have you survived?”

  


“Phil it’s alright. H-He told me it was just to keep me in check.”

  


“You’re an adult, Dan. You don’t need anybody to do that.”

  


“Phil  _ please _ . I-”, Dan was interrupted by a sob, “Everybody knows now, Phil. What the fuck do I do now? Th-They all saw and-and!”

  


Phil rushed over to the crying boy, hugging him loosely. “It’s alright. Everything is gonna be fine, Dan. I swear.” 

  


But later that night, as they ate dinner quietly, tumblr was going insane. There were millions of posts screaming about how they had to save him, how he needed help. Dan had cried as soon as he saw it. “ _ Shit.  _ Shit.”, he’d hissed. Phil just rubbed his back. “He loves me, Phil. Right? He loves me.”, Dan asked quietly. Phil didn’t answer.

  


  1. **When It Got Worse**



  


It had only gotten worse after that. It went from bruises to broken bones. The first time, Phil had been waiting by the door when Dan had walked in, whines constantly streaming out of his mouth. “Dan- Hey, Dan.”

  


But Dan wasn’t paying attention, cradling his arm as he screamed. “I-I think it’s broken! Phil help it fucking hurts!  _ Phil! _ ” Phil had never been more horrified in his life. “Sh, Sh… It’s alright. C’mon let’s- uh- let’s get a cab.”, he spoke. “Phil help me. Please. Phil it hurts. I-I fuck it hurts!”, Dan screeched. 

  


Phil helped him down the stairs and hailed a cab as quickly as he could. It came quickly, and the cab driver seemed scared as they climbed in. Dan wouldn’t stop  _ screaming _ and Phil was almost sorry for the driver. Who, thankfully, let them leave without paying. “Thank you, thank you so much.”, he said as he brought Dan to the front of the hospital. The hospital workers had rushed to him as soon as he came in. “He- Uh- He’s hurt. Broken arm, I think?”, he rushed. They just took him in, helping him and telling Phil to wait in the waiting room and fill out some paperwork. He nodded, taking it and sitting down in one of the chairs while bouncing his leg, scared.  Once he was done, he handed it in and asked what was happening to him. The receptionist had smiled at him, “He’s being evaluated right now. But you can go see him, if you’d like?”

  


He nodded. As soon as he got the room number, he’d ran faster than ever. Dan was in a hospital, hooked up to multiple machines, a doctor next to him. “Ah, hello. I’m assuming you’re Phil Lester?”, the doctor asked. He nodded. “Great. I’m Doctor Kildare. Emily. Dan is suffering from some injuries.”, she went on to list many. Phil wasn’t listening though, too busy looking at his friend who laid quietly in the bed. 

  


_______________________________

  


The next time Dan had appeared on Youtube, people went crazy. It was worse than last time, and even he was nervous. Yet, every time that he’d come home screaming, he only said one thing. “He still loves me, Phil. I know it.”

  


  1. **When Everything Fell**



  


It hadn’t been anything sexual before. Dan was glad for that. But suddenly, Dan would come home limping, and quiet. He’d have this faraway look in his eyes. It was horrifying. Phil had been extremely worried, as usual. “Dan… Dan what’d he do?”, he had asked. Multiple times. But Dan just fell into his bed, looking away. “Dan, I’m serious.”

  


“Phil I’m gonna shower. I’ll- uh- talk to you later.”, he said. Phil gulped, letting him walk away and go shower. He’d spent almost two hours in there. When he got back, Phil was still sitting on the bed. “Dan, really. What- What happened?”

  


Dan collapsed then, sliding down the wall and burying his head in his hands. “I feel disgusting, Phil. He-He… I told him to stop. I told him. He wouldn’t fucking listen, Phil. He- He wouldn’t.”, Dan explained. Phil almost threw up. “Holy shit. Dan please. Please I’m begging you. Leave him. Please.”, Phil started crying, and Dan just cried harder.

  


“I- I can’t Phil. Phil I love him.” 

  


Phil cried harder.

  


“Phil I fucking- I fucking love him. Still. I hate him. So  _ fucking  _ much. But I fucking love him. He-He loves me. He- He kep- kept…”

  


By then, he was sobbing uncontrollably.

  


“He loves me, right?”

  


  1. **When He Had Enough**



  


Phil was proud of him. One night, Dan had come home covered in bruises and limping, but he was smiling slightly. “What happened?”, he asked. “I broke up with him, Phil. I left him.”, Dan explained. Phil laughed, cheering. “Yes! Yes! But- Wait, what’d he do? Are you okay?”

  


“The usual… Fuck, why do I still love him…”

  


Phil tensed.

  


“I can never get back with him though… I-I have to tell you something.”

  


Phil relaxed.

  


“Yes?”

  


“I-I love you.”, and then Dan was kissing him. Softly. Phil didn’t react at first, but he slowly relaxed into the kiss.

  


“I love you too.”, he murmured.

  


________________________________________

  


It took awhile for him to get better. But he was here. He was here with Phil. And now he was going to explain everything to the people who had been worried for him all this time. “Hello Internet! So as some of you may know… The past year has been… Hard. Very hard. And this video is going to be short because I’m not supposed to think about it. So I’m just gonna sum it up.”, he took a deep breath and Phil gave him small smile. He smiled back. “Alright, so it started  a while ago. I’d met him at a bar. We’d fallen instantly. Or at least, I thought so. But he was… An asshole. I’m honestly so disappointed I couldn’t of seen it sooner.”

  


“The relationship was toxic. Horrible. He’d hit me and beat me and whip me and… And he’d, uh, do other things… He’d”, Dan felt a few tears drip down. “You don’t have to say it, bear.”, Phil spoke softly. Dan shook his head, “No. I’m giving them the raw, unedited video. So, I-I’m just gonna imply it. He’d do things to me without my consent. And I’m pretty sure he’s ruint all of it for me. So, please try to avoid, um, sex jokes for just a bit. For me. Please. Anyways, he’d do all that stuff but I’d thought to myself that I loved him. That-”, he choked, “That he loved me. But, he doesn’t. He didn’t. And I hate- I fucking hate myself for not realizing but- but it’s- uh, um. Anyways, it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t love me. Because even though I still… Shit, I still love him. A lot. I fucking…”, he cried a bit, “Shit. I love him. But, y’know what? I love somebody else more. Phil Lester. Yup, you can scream. I’ll give ‘ya a second.”

  


Phil chuckled.

  


“And you know what? He loves me.”

  


He glanced at Phil who was behind the camera.

  


“He fucking loves me.”, with a large smile. 

  


The video ended.


End file.
